I have been feeling kind of -meh- for the last few days. Most of us know that feeling. Not good enough to do our best work but not bad enough to actually be able to label ourselves as sick. My nose is beginning to be stuffy but I can still breathe through it. My ears are also weirdly stuffy but not too bad. My energy levels are decreasing. For real. I slept for 12 hours two days in a row.
So I know something is going on with my body. It is -meh- for a reason. It must be fighting off a genuine cold virus. Or something.
The temptation I face is to power through this and get all my work done. We all probably face this temptation. Our worth is often measured by our productive output. The temptation is to turn away from our body's knowledge and call to slow down and turn towards what we are required to do.
Additionally, I have found this to be a real struggle, I am tempted to turn away from those things that give me spiritual groundedness. For me, that is this blog, today. And my daily practice of reading scripture and then doing bible journaling via art and poem. (Follow me on Instagram or Facebook to see that endeavor.) I am resistant to entering into the practices I know will help my mind and spirit move through the day and also help my body find a groundedness at a time when my body feels a bit floaty and -meh-.
Not only am I resistant to the spiritual practices that ground me, I am resistant to health practices that I normally at least marginally engage in. Eating properly, not overloading on carbs, and drinking water. It is as if my brain is a two-year-old child. I hope we all have this two-year-old within ourselves and it isn't just me! I have even resisted doing some of the things I have been enjoying for funsies. Like re-learning French. (Disclaimer: My definition of fun may differ from other people.) I have not done my French lessons for two days. Sigh.
All I want to do is turn away and burrow in my blankets.
But here I am. Enjoying, more or less, writing this posting. Pondering the ways in which my inner two-year-old is sabotaging my overall health. Health isn't just about my nose dripping or not. Health is much more. It includes my thoughts, my intellectual and creative pursuits, my spiritual wholeness, my community connectedness. I am probably missing other aspects of health because my lens is narrowed to my experience of what it is to be human. At any rate, the temptation is to turn away when the -meh- rises up. Part of the solution is to do it anyway.
My prayer for you is that you will find the capacity to turn towards the things that are life-giving even when it is hard.