Recovery Isn’t A Race

Photo Credit: Healthy Place

"Recovery isn't a race. You don't have to feel guilty if it takes you longer than you thought it would."

Lately no matter how hard I've tried I feel like I'm at a stale mate when it comes to my recovery and my treatment. I feel guilty that I'm not further along than what I am. I forget that I've only got about 2 months and 3 weeks clean. I should be more gentle with myself and practice the self-care that I preach to all my friends going through difficult times.

Recovery isn't all peaches and cream! It is in fact some of the hardest and most grueling work one person can undertake. Recently my mental health has taken a nose dive. My bipolar depression has decided to kick itself into overdrive... not even the mania portion either (i'm more equipped to deal with that portion). It's the depression cycle that I've been stuck in for the last two weeks. Now when this happens usually one of three things happens:
1) I use any drug I can get my hands on.
2) I end up using and in the mental health hospital.
3) I end up in the hospital.

I've been fighting and pushing through the depression cycle and let me tell you it's just as hard and just as grueling as recovery work. In fact when my depression is active - it's just such a hard thing to balance just existing and living and working a program of recovery and maintaining my Feb 3, 2019 clean date.

However, I am still attempting to maintain a gratitude attitude.

I'm grateful for my sponsor who for the last two weeks has listened to me talk about how shitty and crappy I feel due to my emotional and mental state.

I'm grateful that I can share among other addicts exactly how I feel and that my feelings want me to pick up again against my own will and I will not get that look you get when people think you are absolutely bonkers!

I'm grateful that I've got 2 months and 3 weeks clean. On May 3rd, 2019 two days after my middle sons birthday - I will GOD WILLING celebrate 3 months/90 days clean.

I'm grateful that Terri has allowed me to continue writing for all of you about gratitude and has encouraged me to share my life in recovery with you folks.

I'm going to continue using this platform that has been given to me to share with you all my recovery journey. The good and bad, the beautiful and ugly, the darkness and the light. I hope that in doing so will educate you about what an addict in recovery with mental illness goes through. But I also hope that it will inspire you to have gratitude through the good, the bad, the beautiful, the ugly, the dark times, the light times, the happy moments, and the sad moments. Because you see, gratitude is an attitude that needs seeds, water, and nourishing soul in order to become a way of life.

May We Continue On Our Gratitude Journey Together & Cultivate that Gratitude Attitude,

Brian Lee

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