Monday, June 21

Progress Not Perfection: Gratitude Throughout

Hello everyone! I was sitting here like I usually do wondering what in the world I'm going to write about. Then the title came to me first which is unusual for me because the words are what normally come first and then I base my title off of my writings. LOL!

I chose the title because I really am a firm believer about progress not perfection and I'm learning to have gratitude throughout the process! My life hasn't been even remotely easy but on the outside it looks like I am completely fine. I have been struggling with maintaining my mental health while also working on my recovery from substance use. I've been clean since July 9th, 2019 and I've been struggling with my mental health for a majority of my clean time.

I have been holding two drastically different emotions (happiness and depression) at the same time as of the last few days. It is unusual for me to be quite honest. I've got honestly no real reason to be experiencing depression because on the outside everything is going well. My pastor did a reaffirmation of baptismal vows and renaming ceremony during the service on Sunday. I'll also be stepping down a level in my drug and alcohol treatment temporarily until a spot opens up in the level that my therapist wants me in. Two great and amazing things; yet I just can't seem to shake this depression off of my feet.

Progress NOT perfection right? I'm at least learning how to hold two drastically different emotions at once. Numerous times I've suffered with severe dark thoughts and thought I was going to have to go inpatient but I was able to use my coping skills and I've been able to ward off going inpatient.

I'm learning to have gratitude throughout the whole entire process. I know I'll never reach perfection this side of the veil, but I can continue to progress in life. I don't have to always be happy or without depression, but I can continue to find things to be grateful for in my life's journey!

Hope you all have a wonderful weekend and see you back here again next week,

Brian Lee

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