I seek sacred space. I need sanctuary. I crave community. There was a time I believed I could find all those things in church. It's been a long time since I've tried, and I'm not sure why.
I picked up a book a few weeks ago called Lessons in Belonging from a Church-Going Commitment Phobe for my Amazon Kindle. I've been reading books like this lately trying to figure out what it is that's keeping me from going back. Searching for Sunday: Loving, Leaving, and Finding the Church and Post-Traumatic Church Syndrome: A Memoir of Humor and Healing are helping me not by giving me the answers I'm looking for, but by reminding me that I'm not alone with my questions. Rachel Held Evans and Reba Riley are millennials by age, but I find I have more in common with them than I would expect as I'm almost 50.
I might be at home this Sunday morning and maybe many Sundays to come, but I'm still searching for Sunday. I think I'll spend tomorrow (I'm writing on Saturday night) reading Lessons in Belonging from a Church-Going Commitment Phobe.
I'm longing to belong. I don't know how. I've never known how. I don't know if my issues are with God or the Church or church with a small c. All I know is that I still believe, and I need to belong. I feel like I do belong with Rachel, Reba, and Erin. I wish they would stop by and visit sometime.