Thursday, July 29

Gratitude for Life

On October 17th, 2018 - I had lost my will to live and took a handful of pills in an attempt to kill myself. I most instantly regretted taking them and told a friend who lived out of state. She told me that if I didn't check myself into the hospital that she would send the cops to my address to check on me. So I took an uber to the emergency room. I don't remember much of anything once I got back into a bed. I spent the next six days in my local behavioral health ward of my hospital. I didn't get much out of the stay other than I was safe and they changed some of my medications.

I am grateful for life today because about a week ago I lost the will to live and yet for some reason God still had me breathing and living. The day after I got out I went to a meeting that night for one of the twelve step fellowships and got invited to go bowling afterwards. I had some delicious white pizza, pop, nachos, curly fries and an amazing time bowling with some recovery friends. I LAUGHED FOR THE FIRST TIME IN OVER A WEEK. I smiled too and actually meant my smile and wasn't faking it or putting on a mask for others. The friend who paid for me said that it was good to see me smile and having fun and that he paid for me so that I would know that things are worth living for.

Life isn't easy as a transgender person in America right now so I have to find gratitude for life wherever I can and find reasons to live.

What is your reason for living? What are you grateful for?

Brian Lee

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