An MRI machine is surprisingly well suited for epiphanies. After all, you are required to be completely and utterly still, the machine is so loud that nothing can penetrate that noise, and for those 45 minutes you are not responsible for anything else. I discovered this last Monday at 6:45 am.
Laying there staring at the alien head sticker placed above my eyes, I suddenly saw the past year and a half laid out before me as if to say, "Look at what you have done and who you are! Don't you see the connections?" It was a moment of sheer connection with the Ground of Being within myself. My God and I in communion. I am so incredibly grateful!
You see I have felt scattered and a bit lost since I graduated from Seattle University. Or at least that is what I thought was happening. I also lost my mom during spring break just before my last quarter of school. Grief is different for everyone. For me, one way it manifested was this drifting, lost feeling which was exacerbated by the behavior of my final professor.
I have long believed that God does not order our days or chart our course. I believe rather that God is far more complex than that. And in that moment in the MRI, God opened my eyes to my own wisdom manifested in some of my choices this past year, that wisdom that comes from the connection to the Divine within each one of us. I am becoming what I most desire, a spiritual listener and a compassionate soul. I am grateful! I wish I could express in words the magnitude of that gratitude but I cannot right now. Please trust me, my soul is different today.
"As soft as water and as hot flame is the soul!"