Wednesday, June 16

Finding a New Beginning


I am a child of the 80's, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. I have been revisiting so many memories lately, and the death of Prince has opened some doors that have been closed long ago.

I'm not that girl anymore. Sometimes I wish I were. I've left pieces of myself along the way, and so many of the people I loved are gone. But what I miss the most was the unquestioning faith I had. It's hard to carry that through losses and beliefs that just don't match up anymore with the foundation of the faith I had. I knew who I was back then.

One of Prince's band mates was quoted as saying the image of purple rain represented “a new beginning. Purple, the sky at dawn; rain, the cleansing factor.” I don't know what he meant for it to represent, but I've always believed it meant something like that. If you need a new beginning, and we all do at some point, I hope you can find it.
I'm going to try for my own new beginning. I need to start over and find my own faith again.


  • For the longest time, I believed that the 2.5 years I spent at the School of Theology & Ministry at Seattle Univ was a criminal waste of time. I learned next to nothing, and could have TAUGHT most of the classes. But in later years, I realized that my time at STM was instrumental in teaching me that my real spirituality was atheism, that I wasn’t cut out to believe in (any) god, and by trying to fake it for 55+ years I’d been living a lie. I discovered my REAL faith. I don’t know that I’m any happier. (Where did we ever come up with the idea that there is any causal connection between faith & happiness?) But I do know that I’m more honest.

    • I actually think of my time studying theology and social work not as useless, but something I learned for some reason yet to be seen in my life. I have a hard time believing in God, but I have an even harder time believing that there isn’t one. What is the God of my understanding? I have no idea at this point. The deconstruction of my life is still in process, so one day I’ll find what I need to become my true self.

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