Ugh. Today's scripture is the story of Jesus in the desert from Luke 4:1-13. It is ironic that this was chosen for today's reading because I chose it for a reading on Thursday, except the Matthew version! Along with the reading came a request to notice what is stirring up in us. Well, I dreamed a dream last night...sigh. It is a clear indication of what is stirred up in me. So I meditated on my dream instead since I already did lectio on the desert scripture.
Meditation of Jesus in the desert
As Jesus was in the desert, the Matthew version says, "He was hungry." It is an unfamiliar image to view Jesus as hungry. Conclusion? Jesus was hungry, therefore, God wants.
How can a perfect being want? If perfect, would God not be complete? If complete, would God then need nothing? If God needs nothing, how can God want? God can want if God is in you and me. Because we want, God wants.
...Hello, my name is Andrea and I'm an alcoholic. Want. Want replacing need. Or as someone said yesterday. Stapling their attachment to their ego.
...He stoops to see the leaves growing on the shoot not yet knee high. Will there be a harvest?
The world wants
the eagle wants a perch
the salmon wants a river
the wave wants a shore
the man wants a war
the child wants a peace
the Abba wants shalom
© 2010, T. Stewart
War...hunger...poverty...pain...all about want.
My job is to want on your behalf.
Caution...the below has graphic language (well, for me it does!)
And then there is the stupid dream I had last night which ties in nicely or not, depending on your perspective. In a mall type place with a couple friends including Molly. We went through the mall and one of the friends needed to check her schedule at University of Phoenix which was located in the mall. We found the place and it was crazy busy. They were having a photo shoot (?). Then we wandered around backstage and saw a group preparing for an auction. Amongst the stuff up for auction were items clearly identifiable as being from my father's house. I expressed the idea of, "I can't believe he would see this without checking in. Ass. And lo, there was my father. Overhearing every comment. I turned to him and said, "I just want to feel like I matter." And I left. Molly stayed with my dad and talked to him. He said, "I'll do anything except that." (I think that means leave Peggy.) Molly found me and told me. I said "Doesn't he know I'd never ask him to do that?"
So isn't this what we all want? To matter? Deep down? Isn't that the source of our wants...healthy and unhealthy? No matter how deep we are in the desert or how far out on the margins of society or how centered in the power structures? We want. God wants.
Random thought #2: This dream is a clear articulation of why I stick up for the underdog. It is the shadow side of justice fighting.
you sold my legacy
to the highest bidder
to whomever would
buy the damn
it was your
© 2010, T. Stewart